Friends,
It’s been a while since I wrote one of these posts. I had intended to write one last week, but I decided against it. I decided it was better to wait until I not only knew what I wanted to say, but was in a better frame of mind to say it. The last thing I want is for this to be taken the wrong way, but it probably still will be — and that is at the core of what has been bothering me. So, without further delay, here it is:
I no longer feel like this is the hobby with which I fell in love so many years ago.
When I was a kid, models were a wonder for me. They held the thrill of the ‘toy’ aspect about them, as well as the mystery of the history connected to them. Then there was the wonder of the beautiful work people like Shepard Paine were doing even back in those days. I wanted to be among the likes of Paine, but I never imagined I’d ever been good enough to even pretend I was in their league, let alone on their level.
Like most of us, childhood gave way to the pressures of adulthood: work and family and the other distractions of this world caused my love of modeling to fade into the background. Then, along came a guy by the name of Verlinden and I suddenly found myself falling in love with the hobby all over again. This time, however, I was older, and had more money to spend on my hobby. I also had more freedom to pursue it. In the process of doing this, I discovered the friendship and camaraderie that had become (or had it always been?) a part of the hobby. This feeling of community went into overdrive when I started TMD and became a part of AMPS and the on-line community of modelers. For many of us, the rest is history — and I had hoped that is where I was going to leave it when I announced I was going to retire and sell TMD. It’s funny how fate works, because that is not what God has in store for me.
I wasn’t able to find a buyer for TMD, so I had to decide: throw the company away, or get it going again??? Well, I’m not throwing TMD away, so…
At first, I didn’t think it would be all the difficult to get TMD going again. I didn’t really want to do it, but — heck — I’ve done it twice before, so, the third time should be easier, right? Wrong! I’m finding it very difficult to do this time, but not for the reasons you might expect. When I thought I was going to be free to model again, without feeling like everything I touched had to be turned into a master, I felt a tug I had long since forgotten. I was excited over the idea of getting to actually build again, and maybe even getting to go to a show as nothing but a modeler. I honestly can’t remember what all of that feels like, and I miss it. But, when I realized that I will never be able to run TMD and build for Joe… Well, it was an emotional storm from which I have yet to fully emerge.
Which brings us to my current struggles. I have been snooping around the DG’s and Facebook the past few months (in disguise, no less). I had this silly idea that I could reconnect with old friends and maybe, just maybe, the community I remembered and missed would help me get back into the TMD frame of mind. That was a big mistake.
I’m only posting this here, on the TMD blog, where you have to be looking for it to find it. This is so that people will have less justification for the hate I now is going to be thrown at me for what I am about to say.
Friends, when I went back to the DG’s I used to love, I couldn’t find the friends I remembered. When I went to Facebook, thinking they had moved there, I couldn’t find them there, either. In fact, I couldn’t find them anywhere. Many of the names I remember are missing, so I figure they have been called to final muster (which dealt another gut punch to my already shaky emotional state). But many of those old names were still there — it’s just that my friends seemed to be missing: replaced by people I no longer recognized.
I breath rarefied modeling air. I’m not bragging; it’s just true. As a result, I see the hobby and modeling community through different eyes. Many will object to what I’m saying, but I am here to tell those who are listening: we modelers are not the same people I used to know. Something has changed in many of us. Oh, sure: a few of us are the same friends I’ve always known, but even those have changed. They’re quieter, more reserved. I suspect many of you see or sense what I have discovered: the community is no longer a community. It has become a rabble of people who do little more than gripe about the kits and accessories available to them. I can remember the days when we would have all been asking each other if we could believe such a modeling world as what we have now, and we would have celebrated it — together! But no more. Today, we complain because the Marvin-the-Martian, shrink-ray perfect 3D printed engine we just bought cost too much and doesn’t fall off the runner, paint itself and throw itself onto our kit.
Well, speaking only for myself, and as a man who misses his friends and the simple joy of his hobby; a man whose only real motivation to continue with TMD is his friends (i.e. customers); this is a cruel and disheartening twist of fate. I’ll get through it, because that’s the way God made me. It just means that I have to reinvent myself and my company. I have to find a way to tune out the rest of the world and build for Joe again while still finding a way to do those things necessary to keep a buggy whip company alive in the age of flying cars. I’m just not sure how to do this — not yet. And I have absolutely no idea what it will look like once I do. All I know is I’ll do it (somehow).
So, for those of you who have been wondering, there it is: this is what has been bothering me and keeping me from putting out new product. I haven’t pointed fingers or named names. Frankly, I no longer care to bother with any of that. I’m just trying to cling to the person I remember myself being, and that guy has always shared this sort of thing with you. So, in that light, count this post as one man’s vain attempt to avoid hypocrisy while he morns the losses that inevitably come with the passing of time…
Still your friend (I hope),
Joe
No hate sent your way. Just agreement. I think that what you are seeing is a reflection of what is happening at the societal level. It’s not just the modeling hobby. The world is going through some ugliness that is touching all of us to one degree or another. Hang in there and keep doing what you love.
Well said! I totally agree!
Jim S
Sadly true. I only visit one (yep 1) modeling group. The one which had Bob Letterman on until the end. I can’t agree more.
Wow. A lot to unpack. Before I start, keep in mind this is only one person’s opinion and that person only knows you from the limited “face” that I infer (fancy word for “assume”) from what and how you right. So whereas I’m not a friend (because that means more to me than family…and if you’d met just one of them you’d understand why), I am CERTAINLY NOT your enemy. I bear no malice. That said…
I don’t like people. This is different from disliking people. At almost 8 billion people on this lonely blue marble, I don’t know any of them…so how *can* I like them? Most of those I have met, I’m ambivalent towards because I don’t know enough to form an informed opinion (not fact) about. The handful that *are* friends I hold dear.
But unknown, ambivalent towards, or enriched by their genuine friendship, I don’t expect anything of them. Sure…I know what I’d *like* from them (and a couple…literally a man and wife…seem to know what that is and how they manage that eludes me). But I *expect* nothing and appreciate whatever they offer. Unless what they offer is unacceptable to me and I vanish from their ken.
All that to say this:
You can’t expect anything from anyone. They’re the star of their movie just as you and I are of ours.
My way of dealing with all that is to do what the simple doing of offers me in terms of satisfaction. Dissatisfied? I stop and do something else.
What little I assume about you I glean from first, what you do. THAT is always the truth of a person. Second, from what you say. When the two diverge, I don’t approach very closely or often. I CERTAINLY won’t (and don’t) write something like this to them. I like what you say and how what you do lines up with it.
You have many potential friends out Here. You haven’t met them, and perhaps sticking “yet” in goes here.
Do what pleases you. (I’m assuming that the guy you work for is your friend.) Want to build? BUILD. When you want to produce, PRODUCE. You have to pay the price to be an adult, harvest some of the benefits that come with it.
Your products allow me to do the work that I want to and I am pleased silly that TMD is up and running! That you’re honorable, honest, and straightforward are things I seek in a friend. TMD or not, that’s admirable.
Even though you and I aren’t friends, I suspect we could be.
Adjust your expectations. Yesterday isn’t today which in turn won’t be tomorrow. Things change, people change, and circumstances too often kick us all in the slats.
Do what you do seriously, don’t take it personally.
Hey Joe,
Thanks for sharing your heartfelt thoughts, as I routinely check the blog before seeing if any new resin goodies have been added to the site. I have always believed that it takes guts to share not just what you think, but also how you feel. The entire world is going through a rough period with several conflicts raging and changes converging into what seems at times, a cataclysm of events from which we will be hard pressed to recover. I guess that the one thing we can hold onto is that as we continue to live our lives and hopefully continue our enjoyment of the hobby, is to also focus on what brings us joy (family, friends, community). Strive to be the best you can be (if your products are any indication, I’d say you have a lot to be proud of) and leave the rest to our finite understanding that God in his infinite wisdom, will handle the rest.
Thanks again for sharing and allowing me to just share my own reflections.
Syed Majid, forever loyal customer in San Diego, Ca
Amen, ty 🙂