I probably shouldn’t write this post, and I definitely shouldn’t publish it. Well, I’ve never been one who does what’s best for himself. I have to learn the hard way. What follows could easily cost me customers. Heck, it could cost me my company. But I don’t care anymore. I am tired, and I’ve had enough. The time has come to take care of Joe for a while. So, if you have ever thought of us as friends, or you just like to use TMD resin on your models — and you want to keep it that way — think long and hard before you read this post. Maybe it would be best to just let this one go? For the rest of you,… Well, here —>
IF YOU ARE NOT A NORMAL, WELL-ADJUSTED, RATIONAL ADULT
DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT!!!
To put this in the cleanest military terms I know, I have a terminal case of the G.I. Flu. Or, in armor terms, my ‘give-a-crap’ is dead-lined. Now, if that still does not make sense, too bad. Go ask a vet friend to explain it further, ‘cause I ain’t gonna.’
I didn’t even bother trying to work on new masters this week because I have no business touching Karl’s work when my head is in the place it is right now. Not to mention the fact that, when I feel like this, I simply don’t want to do anything that requires me to think or care. To be honest, I was lucky to get my orders shipped this week, and even that required the utmost discipline and effort.
I’ve had a tough few years, but I was handling it. In fact, things were starting to go better for BB and I than at any other time in our lives. But then the world went insane.
In the first draft of this post, this is the point where I went on an ‘Edgar Friendly’ rant that would have made Denis Leary proud, but I deleted it — mostly because it was a little too honest (and way too salty). So, I will try to explain my current emotional and mental state this way:
I know a lot of people who are self-employed. The government has not given them any help. Instead, it is trying to put them out of business. Entrepreneurs can usually deal with this: the government is always trying to put us out of business. But this time is different. This time, our customers have turned against us, as well. It’s not enough that we are going bankrupt, but our own customers are demanding that we shut down and commit financial suicide in order to prove ‘we care.’ Please, tell me, what part of putting in 60-80 or more hours a week for a net monthly income of $600 doesn’t prove that I care about you folks out there? Yes! That’s right! You read that correctly: I put in 60-80 and sometimes more hours every week to bring home $600/month! But, if I complain about how the shut-down is taking away even my measly little $600, I am suddenly a selfish, greedy, ‘rich’ business owner who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Well, all I have to say to that is, go auto-rotate!
Still, I have been dealing with this, on top of the stress of the last two years. Then I started to have trouble with those customers who live overseas. These are the people I think of as friends who lecture me about how evil and wicked President Trump is. Hey! I didn’t vote for him (but I didn’t vote for Hillary, either). I have never really liked Trump, but I know how to find the truth, and the simple truth is that Trump has been falsely accused of many crimes that were actually committed by the people these overseas ‘friends’ tell me I should be supporting. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is someone who levels false accusations against innocent people! But I can deal with this, too. After all, these ‘friends’ only get their news from the political Left, so why should I expect them to know, let alone recognize the truth?
I have even been able to handle all the people who have been complaining to me about the mail running slow. At this moment, when I am succumbing to this global suicide pact, I am having to replace orders, pay for the overseas shipping out of my own pocket and even refund orders that will eventually be delivered — sometimes, twice! Why? Because it is somehow my fault that this global insanity has messed up their county’s customs and postal systems. Personally, I have orders coming from formerly reliable vendors that have been in the mail for over two months now. I do not bother these vendors. I have the shipping and tracking numbers. I know my orders are stuck in the postal system log-jam. I know it is not that vendor’s fault, so why bother them? What can they do? But people bother me for this same thing, and demand replacements and refunds is what is happening. And yet, that still isn’t what put me over the edge.
No, what put me over the edge was when one of these ‘friends’ who has been lecturing me about everything that wrong with America, and about how we should make everything free — like they do in his country… (deep sigh — count to 6, 7, 8, 9,…).
The last straw was having one of these ‘friends’ place a $250 order with a message asking me to mark it as a gift for $10 so they would not have to pay the 27% VAT tax in their ‘perfect, this is how it should be done, everything is free‘ country.
This was when I realized that everything I am doing, all my efforts to keep TMD running, is just me killing myself — literally — for nothing. ‘They’ are going to put me out of business, and it will be my fault for being such a greedy, selfish, uncaring person. Apparently, I am supposed to realize that profit is evil and the only way I can prove I am a ‘good’ person is to give everything I make to someone sitting on their fat butts in their mothers house telling me I was allowed to take my $600/month from them because my skin happens to be lighter than theirs. I’ve had it with self-righteous people like that. They can go R. Lee Ermy themselves!
Folks, this week was the last straw for me. I will keep running this company as best I can, but I no longer care if it survives. In fact, I am going to start selling off everything that is not absolutely essential to operations. If I cannot see a use for it in the next 12-18 months, it’s going to go. I’m almost debt free, and this sell off will pay off the rest of what debt I have. After that… Well, after that, I will have the liberty to just close down and disappear any time I get tired of putting up with ungrateful people who cannot learn to live and let live and just share this hobby together.
Then, to top it all off, I was told I will be losing a buddy soon. I’ve known him since I started TMD. In fact, I met him because of this company. He was one of my first pattern makers. I hate loosing friends. The whole week has turned me into someone I have been trying hard to leave in my past. I am struggling to hold to my faith, and this whole post is a terrible witness for the Lord, but at least its honest. I just pray He will forgive my lack of self-discipline. I am supposed to be able to control my anger and show a patient, agape love for everyone, but He forgot to remove the Marine in me when I converted. That little green amphibious machine in me is my own personal Hulk, and I can’t always keep it under control.
So, there it is: this is where my head and heart are at right now. I do not need any phone calls or emails. I’m good — honest. I’m not going to check out of the world, just the world around me. TMD will still be here — until they shut it down (and they will — watch). But I’m not going to work myself so hard anymore — not for something I fully expect to be taken from me in the next 2 years, or for people who really don’t care about anything but themselves. No, sir, I am not going to do anything but pretend to join ‘Them.’ And, if this bothers anyone out there — well, tough! Just delete all links to me and TMD and forget we ever knew each other.
Black 3, Actual — OUT!