ON ETERNAL SQUIRREL PATROL
For reasons I hope will be obvious, I am going to try to keep this as short as possible. The last few days have been tough for BB and I. We had to take our little girl, Suzy, for her last nap yesterday. She had been ill for a while, but we didn’t realize how sick she was until it was too late to do anything for her. We took her to the vet, but there is just so much they can do about heart failure. She couldn’t walk anymore, wasn’t eating and had a hard time sleeping. So, BB and I spent Sunday doing all her favorite things with her, then, yesterday, we said good-bye.
Then, today, I saw the news about Mig Jimenez losing his wife on the same day we lost Suzy. As much as I will miss Suzy, she was a dog, and that can never compare to the loss of a loved one, especially a spouse. While the sad news about Mig’s wife helped me to keep perspective, it did little to help with the greater issues with which I’ve been struggling. The last 18 months have been really hard for me, and the past few days have served to drive home just how lousy I have been as a human being.
Of all the ‘friends’ I have, no one who lives close by bothered to come visit us. They knew we suffered a loss, but no one bothered to do much more than make a comment on Face Book. Now, I know I have friends who would have come by if they could, but they all live hundreds of miles away. I got that; I understand. And it helps that some of those friends called or sent special messages of condolences. But it made me think about how poor a friend I must be that no one who lives here thought enough about my wife or I to come see us when we could have used their company. That shocked me…
Still, I don’t want you to think I am feeling sorry for myself. I’m not. In fact, I am feeling quite the opposite. The Lord has been very good to me, especially over these past eighteen months. I know that, and I can see the blessings He has given me in and through all the losses I have felt. So, I am not complaining. I am just very upset with myself, and feeling a profound sense of shame and remorse for how bad I have been as a person. So, please, try to understand that, if I do not seem to be myself for a while, I am still OK. I am going to keep do my job for you — maybe better than I ever have. But I have some work to do on Joe, and it is going to hurt — at least on this end. If we are any form of friends in your mind, I beg you to please bare with me while I try to fix what should have been fixed long, long ago.